We began this adventure three years ago and have had one foot in and the other… lingering above the threshold ever since. Every choice we make has been filtered through the “we’re planning to move overseas” lens; finances, activities we involve the kids in, relationships and communities we invest in, household purchases, etc. My friends often remind me of “when you leave” and I’ve heard on several occasions now “We would love for you to be involved, but I know you have a lot on your plate as you prepare to go.” I don’t like limbo. It feels stifling and ungenuine. My plate is actually craving… my hands are idle and my heart longs to be included, to be engaged now and fully for however long we are in any place. I mourn missed opportunities as we planned to have had both feet out sooner than we will.
Who are we to say that we will go to this city or that at such and such time? It is the Lord who determines our steps.
Having the bearclaw tribe move out last weekend was a heartbreak. They had begun wrestling not long after moving in with whether or not it is the Lord who is calling them overseas and have concluded that it’s not the path laid out for them. Living in a home with lots of other people constantly around was difficult for mama bearclaw and God has stirred much in her heart and marriage. We love them dearly, and though it was not a seamless fusion, we will greatly miss their family and grieve the loss of dreams to go together.
Moving them out has left a very tangible reminder that we are in limbo. When we combined our homes we got rid of furniture, kitchenware, appliances, knick knacks, books, and more. And while there is an itch to replenish and build up my treasures, we are trusting God to provide what we need and letting go of what we do not. We have already been given a set of couches, kitchen items and other random things. Every time I am tempted to be anxious he graciously and mercifully makes a way.
He is the one who changes times and seasons.
It’ isn’t easy when seasons end. Some kind of loss or another is usually involved. I often mull over what I/we did wrong and what we could have done to modify the outcome. But God is sovereign and seasons do change. There are always things we could have done differently or better, but sometimes it isn’t all about us. Sometimes we get the satisfaction of understanding the purpose, and other times seasons change without a lot of clarity.
His plans for us are good. His thoughts are higher than ours.
This weekend a gal is moving in and will live with us through mid-August during her summer internship. I’ll meet her for the first time today. We hosted a friend of hers last year and she is excited to meet and get to know our boisterous brood. As the leaf turns, I’m striving to lift my eyes and open my hands. Every season has a purpose. For as long as we are here we are called to the sufficiencies of today’s troubles, to rejoice in THIS day, and to make the most of every opportunity. I’m processing through what it means and what it looks like for our family to be present today and yet prepared for tomorrow. I’m processing through the losses, the changes, and the uncertainties that we have encountered over the last three years. I’m setting down my fears, my disappointments, my strategies and my plans… I’m asking God to show me/us when and where to step next.